On My Mind
There has been so much on my mind lately.
God, give me perspective.
As horrifying an experience as losing Sam has been, I am slowly seeing more and more how good this is for me:
- more God
- more rides
- more bromances and friendships
- more music
- less stress (sort of)
It still isn’t easy to get out of bed in the morning. I continue to struggle daily with regret, missing her and wishing things were different. Small details threaten to send me overboard at a moment’s notice. My emotions are impulsive, I over-analyze everything and I am terribly impatient – none of these qualities have helped me on the way, but I am getting there. Life gets better (even if I didn’t believe it would two months ago).
My greatest struggle for the past few weeks has been forgiving Sam. It is so tempting to lose it – to just say eff it and give up – but I can’t. Some people can hold grudges forever. Not me. My heart will forever be weighted if I don’t let this go. And, believe me, I am trying so hard.
I received a couple of prophetic words tonight. It’s times like these when things fall in focus and (nearly) all is good. While I feel so absolutely inadequate to proceed, God’s grace is abundant. All I need to do is say “yes”.
“It’s going to be organic.”
If you’ve been praying for me, thank you. More please.
