02.17.12

by yummygooey

I’ve always been afraid of one day seeing Sam around campus. I imagined the event would elicit some monstrosity of buried emotions that I have made every attempt to avoid for the past three months.

It turns out I was right.

Who knows if she saw me, but I definitely saw her. Thank God I was on my bike. I just rode away.

I think the difficulty lies in seeing her happy. Not because I don’t want her to be (I really do), but maybe because of how much I miss sharing that with her. Or maybe because I can’t help but be jealous. I mean… good for her, but what about me?

Life has been pretty good to me the past few weeks, but a series of good moments doesn’t change how I feel at the end of the day. And something as insignificant as seeing her for a split second certainly didn’t help.

God has always provided for me. Always. What confuses me is how He can sit there and watch me go through this.

Still waiting to be “ok”.