Yummygooey's blog

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yummygooey — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 04:54:19 +0000

Somewhere along the way, I think it was decided that it would be easier if we weren’t together. I seriously question that sentiment.

I would (still) give a lot for another chance. Aside from the fact that I still love her very much, it’d be nice to escape this misery.

It’s Good

yummygooey — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 05:21:41 +0000

To be heading in the right direction.

Sigh…

Quantification

yummygooey — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 20:19:27 +0000

For the past two months I have been searching for some sort of quantification for what I feel, as if putting some numbers together might help me make sense of everything, or as if my circumstances could be modeled as an engineering problem from one of my textbooks.

But the reality is that life is more than just a few data sets and equations. There is no number system that can capture the amount of pain I continue to be in, how much I miss her or how difficult I find all of this.

It seems odd to me that it took me so long to come to that realization.

Packed Away

yummygooey — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 07:00:34 +0000

She is coming tomorrow morning to pick up the rest of her things. I won’t be here.

I am afraid to go to sleep, because I know that when I wake up I am going to say goodbye to what material remnants I have left of the best two years of my life.

That’s two years of my most cherished memories, packed away into two boxes.

But if you could see me right now, you would see just how much I need this.

Readjusting

yummygooey — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 18:11:56 +0000

I got used to having someone to tell all my stories to.

It comes with the territory, I guess.

Resolved

yummygooey — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 23:41:42 +0000

To take one step at a time.

All Will Be Well – The Gabe Dixon Band

yummygooey — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 03:11:32 +0000

And all will be well
Even after all the promises
You’ve broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how
But only time will tell

2011

yummygooey — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 08:40:24 +0000

I’ve been told that the end of the year is a time for reflection, so let’s take a look at the past year.

I don’t remember much of the first five months of 2011. Either Spring semester was really insignificant or the memories have just faded away.

During the summer I had an internship at a company that I ended up really not liking. I struggled for three months to balance work, friends and a long distance relationship. Instead of leaving me relaxed and ready for another semester, this summer left me tired and in need of a break that never came.

This past semester was horrible. My classes were all difficult and three of five professors were sub-par. I ended the semester with good grades, but I hated almost every second of it.

I landed (a bad pun, if you know what company I’ll be working for) an awesome internship for the summer of 2012 that I am really, really excited for.

I lost my best friend as a result of a messy break up. The person I thought I could always count on walked out of my life. I fear that we will never recover as friends, and I find myself foolishly questioning everything I thought I knew about love, friendship and all else that is good. Even now, bitterness threatens to consume me every day and sometimes it wins.

I bought the first non-education related book that I can remember buying, but I’ve only read fifteen or so pages.

I have never struggled with God more than I did in 2011, especially in the past two months.

2011 was not good to me.

But just like that, 2012 is upon us. I believe that every crappy experience from the past year will eventually lead to something better.

God, I hope I’m right.

I don’t expect much out of 2012, but I do have one simple goal: To move on with life.

Nostalgia

yummygooey — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 07:13:59 +0000

I miss childhood. I miss playing Crossfire and Life and Sega Genesis. I miss watching Pokemon during breakfast and Beast Wars after school. I miss the long summer days filled with bike rides to the “green park” or the “red park” or the “blue park”, baseball with the neighbor boys and watching the Olympics while eating cold watermelon out of the rind with a spoon. I miss the simplicity of everything before I had to worry about anything.

When did life become so convoluted?

Progress

yummygooey — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 16:05:00 +0000

Today is the first day in two years that she wasn’t the first thing on my mind when I woke up.

That state of mind might not have lasted long, but progress is good.